just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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