I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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