i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My ATM looks so different sober.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
