Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
