party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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