So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
