Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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