I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
