So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
