Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im part way to drunk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
