so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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