Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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