Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
