Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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