Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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