i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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