hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
