I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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