I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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