i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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