You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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