Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
