well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
