tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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