wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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