I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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