just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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