I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
