So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
