No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
