The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize