I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How does one acquire holy water?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
