I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize