no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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