i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
