Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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