From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
