There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
