Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
