Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
