Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
