i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
