yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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