I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
