singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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