How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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