I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
