Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
