If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
