You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
