I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
