hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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