:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my shit smells like andre
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
