Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
