You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
