I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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