Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
