he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
