weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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