That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
