Cold hands, warm shart.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
