Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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