Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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