I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize