I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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