I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she told me i tasted like america
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize