Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
