what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
