I love black thongs
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
