oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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