I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
