The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize