Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
