Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
