Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
