scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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