I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
